i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
