Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
