Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
