closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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