Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
