Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
