I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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