Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
