Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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