I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
