Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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