Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
