hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
