hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
