He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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