somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
