I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
