the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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