Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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