So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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