so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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