She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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