And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
