I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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