I think I won the penis lottery.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Still dying that you shit outside
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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