I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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