I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Mom said you looked used
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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