This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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