Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Found the puke drawer
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
