Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She said her name was "party"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She bit a glass in half.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
