Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I smell like Dick and happiness
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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