My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
