turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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