I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
