What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
