I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
