Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
