you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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