Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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