whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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