Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
