Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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