ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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