Your dad touched me again.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
