so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Little spoons don't ask big questions
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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