even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
