when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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