is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
