HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
