Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
