I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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