I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
