also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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