he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
