i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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