you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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